Your first invitation to a dinner party since moving to South Africa! Certainly an exciting occasion, lots of things to think about: how to get there and back, what to wear, what gifts to bring to the hosts and so on. With so many things in your mind it’s easy to forget about paying appropriate attention to the customs and etiquette of your new environment. Here is some advice based on personal experience and a little bit of research. If you put it to good use, your acclimatization in South Africa will be smooth and painless!

Don’t forget to contact the hostess ahead of time to see if she would like you to bring anything. Wearing casual clothes (including jeans) is the norm, if you have no indications to the opposite. Why don’t you check with the hosts in advance to be sure?

After a few detours having taken the wrong turn, you finally arrive at the dinner party. If this is not a business occasion, a slight delay would be ok. However in a business environment punctuality is taken more seriously. The South African’s concept of time is actually an interesting topic. Taking your time is an important part of the culture: what takes an hour in a more time-oriented country, may take an entire day in South Africa and what you would expect to takes a day, may actually take a week. If someone tells you they will see you “now now”, this may take from a few minutes to a few days. It is better to be prepared for all this, armed with patience and a good sense of humour.

You are now knocking at the door of your dinner hosts. How should you greet them? Well, this depends on their ethnic background. Most South Africans like to shake hands while smiling and maintaining eye contact. However some South African women (especially Muslim) prefer to nod their head instead of shaking hands. If unsure it is better to wait for someone to extend their hand. While a kiss on the cheek is customary for people that know each other well.

Hope you didn’t arrive empty-handed to the dinner! Flowers, good-quality chocolates or a bottle of good South African wine would be appropriate for any occasion. If you are going to a birthday, then it may entail a big party and generous gifts especially if it is an important birthday such as a 21st, 40th or 50th and in this case you may have been asked to contribute to a collective gift. Christmas is another occasion for exchanging gifts, remember, opening gifts upon receipt (if practical) is expected and considered good manners.

Now that you are all set for enjoying a lovely dinner, do not hesitate to offer help the host(s) with the preparation or clearing up after a meal is served. If the dinner is at a restaurant, reward good service by your waiters with a 10-15% tip. They normally have very modest salaries.

Enjoy the conversation and notice the ability of South Africans to imaginatively use metaphors and sports analogies in order to make a point. If you have a business relationship with your host(s), it would be safe to expect that dinner conversation may revolve around work. Hopefully you have already created a good first impression by dressing conservatively for your first business meeting. Although business attire is becoming progressively more informal in South Africa, dark-coloured business suits for the men and elegant suits or dresses for women are still a safe bet.

What else should you keep in mind regarding business relationships? Perhaps that business people respect hierarchy, although the country leans towards social equality. Senior executives and those who have attained their position through hard work and perseverance enjoy high esteem. Something else worth noting about South Africans is their preference for a harmonious working environment, which explains their inclination towards avoiding confrontation.

Of course a dinner is no place to conduct a business meeting but – on this subject – it’s worth knowing that most South Africans, regardless of their ethnical background, prefer face-to-face meetings to more impersonal communication media such as email, letter, or telephone. If you need to plan a meeting, make an appointment as far in advance as possible, especially with senior-level managers. Between the middle of December and middle of January you are unlikely to find anybody available to meet, since these are prime vacation times. Often the first meeting will be used to establish a personal rapport and to determine if you are trustworthy. In any case, after the meeting it is worth sending a letter summarizing what was decided and the next steps.

If you are entering into business negotiations, don’t expect a quick outcome. Decision-making may be concentrated at the top of the company and decisions are often made after consultation with subordinates, so the process can be slow and lengthy. A good thing is that South Africans strive for consensus and win-win situations.

During a formal negotiation (perhaps not during your dinner) try not to interrupt a South African while they are speaking. If you must interrupt or inadvertently did, recognise the fact openly and be apologetic. If you are woman, you should take account of the fact that only a few women are in senior-level positions. In some cases you may experience some pompous behaviour and be tested in ways that a male colleague would not. On a more practical note, remember to include delivery dates in contracts. Deadlines are often viewed as fluid rather than firm commitments. Also start negotiating with a realistic figure. South Africans do not like to quibble over price.

Equipped with all these practical tips, you can now enjoy your dinner while – if so inclined – taking advantage of the abundant business opportunities South Africa has to offer. Eet smakkelik!

Last Updated: September 29, 2008